First and Second Impressions
by Kooshball
Summary: First impressions aren't always right, but what about second ones? Max becomes Klinger!
1. Chapter One

Author's Note and Disclaimer: Well, none of the characters are mine, except maybe one who appears a little later, though I do wish I did own them. One of the best shows ever made. . . Anyway, this fic is about Max Klinger when he first came to the 4077. He meets the other people in camp, and we find out his first attempt he made at getting out. Of course, that's just what my imagination says his first attempt at getting out on that section eight he deserves, you can pretend he went about it a completely different way. The facts in my fic may not be 100 percent correct, you can point out mistakes in any reviews you wish to put up, and I'll try to review all who review me. Enjoy!  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
Max Klinger nervously stared at the camp they were coming up to, as if he expected enemy troops to burst out of the assembled tents there and shoot him down. Glancing at the driver, he realised how scared he actually was. The driver was relaxed, he wasn't glancing around nervously like he was. Max stared ahead again, towards the camp. They were coming up to a sign, and he craned his head back to read it.  
  
"4077th MASH Best Care Anywhere"  
  
He sighed, his hands sweaty and shaking. Four miles from the front. Four! He'd be dead within twenty four hours. The jeep he was in did a lap of the compound, allowing Max to get a good look at things. In the very middle, was a tent were if he looked hard enough, he could see two men, having a good time. Near the tent was a sign post, with the names of cities on it, all pointing in different directions, with the distance it was to them written on each sign. There were showers, a mess tent, where it looked like they were having church. Then there was the showers, nurse's tent, post op, operating room, and the CO tent. The jeep pulled up in front of this, and Max saw the sign which read "Henry Blake's Office". Max slowly climbed down from the jeep, as a short man came up to him, and hoisted his bags from the back of the jeep. The guy was small, and not very old, only about nineteen. He was wearing an army green beanie, and round glasses.  
  
'Radar O'Reilly,' he said, grinning at Max and holding his hand out.  
  
'Max Klinger,' Max replied, taking Radar's hand nervously.  
  
'You ok? You look a little nervous?' Radar asked him.  
  
'Huh? Oh, no, I'm fine, just. . . well, being so close to the front. It gets dangerous here, right?' Max asked, looking up at the sky.  
  
'No, not really. We lose power sometimes, and bombs will occasionally land near the compound, but we rarely get hit,' Radar replied.  
  
'Uh huh,' Max said, following him into the office.  
  
'Wait here,' Radar told Max, before going through double swinging doors. Max could hear muttering inside, and he quickly checked himself over, to make sure he looked appropriate. Dark green military uniform, Corporal stripes on the arms, shoes that you could use as a mirror. Yep, all spick and span, wonder how long it'll last? Radar came out of the other room again.  
  
'Henry Blake will see you now,' Radar said, grinning. Max gave Radar a nervous grin. He wasn't much taller than Radar, and noticed they were of the same rank. Max went up to the doors peered through the dirty glass windows, to see a man pouring himself a drink. Max pushed the doors opened, and went it. He stood in front of the desk and saluted, waiting to be acknowledged. The Colonel looked up from his glass.  
  
'Aw, put your hand down,' he said. 'We're not big on all that military stuff here.' Max put his hand down hesitantly.  
  
'I'm Corporal Max Klinger,' he said to the Colonel.  
  
'Colonel Henry Blake. Sit down, pour you a scotch?' the man asked. He was wearing a fishing hat with fishing flies pinned to it, and a fishing jacket. Must like fishing.  
  
'Uh, no thanks,' Max said, looking around.  
  
'So, what do you think of the war?' Henry asked with the tone of asking someone if they were enjoying a holiday. Max was a little surprised. What did he think of the war? 'Never mind,' Henry said. 'You're lucky, you get a tent all to yourself. The Swamp is full, and we can't really stick you in the nurse's quarters, now can we?' Henry laughed heartily, and Max laughed along politely, wondering if maybe he'd been sent to Alice's Wonderland instead of Korea.  
  
'Uh, sir? This is the 4077th MASH, right?' Max asked.  
  
'Yeah, but don't bother calling me sir. I don't like it. Only Major Houlihan and Major Burns calls me "sir" and I really don't like it coming from them. Oh, and Radar. He's always been a little different to the rest of them. Just call me Henry,' the Colonel said.  
  
'Alright, uh, Henry, I just want to know, how dangerous is it here?' Max asked him.  
  
'Not very, unless you eat the food in the mess tent. That stuff'll put you in the hospital for a few days,' Henry said, looking very serious.  
  
'Uh, right,' Max said.  
  
'RADAR!' Henry yelled as the doors swung open and Radar walked in.  
  
'Yes, sir?' Radar asked.  
  
'One, call me Henry. Two, come after I've called you, not before, and three, show Max to his tent, show him the ropes and stuff,' Henry said. Max got up awkwardly and followed Radar out as Henry drained the rest of his scotch in one go.  
  
'Is everyone a little weird like him?' Max asked Radar.  
  
'No. Some of them are even weirder,' Radar told him. Max stopped.  
  
'Like who?' he asked.  
  
'Don't worry about it. They're all mostly harmless,' Radar said, picking up Max's bag. Max stuck close to Radar as they went out into the compound.  
  
'So, how long have you been here?' Max asked.  
  
'Me? Oh, a month. Came right at the beginning of the war,' Radar said cheerfully. He looked back at Max. 'Look, don't worry, you'll be fine. You settle in after a while, and get to know the ins and outs of the outfit,' he reassured him.  
  
'I'm just a little worried about enemy planes and bombs and stuff,' Max admitted. 'Don't want to get killed.'  
  
'Yeah, a lot of people here don't want to get killed. That's why a MASH unit is the best place to be positioned. Even if you are hit, there are plenty of doctors around,' Radar said, opening a tent door, and going inside. Max followed him and looked around. The tent was small and had little light coming in the one window at the back. There was a foot locker beside a small, uncomfortable looking cot, and a lone light bulb hung from a wire in the middle of the room.  
  
'Well, it's probably lucky I don't have to share with anyone,' Max said, looking around, a little disappointed.  
  
'Yeah, but you can decorate it, or something. Major Houlihan has her tent done up really nicely, and she's only been here two weeks,' Radar said, putting Max's bag down. 'Come on, I'll introduce you to some of the doctors.' Max followed Radar out of his tent and into the watery Korean sunshine again.  
  
'How'd you get a nickname like Radar?' he asked.  
  
'Well, you saw in Colonel Blake's office, I can tell what people are going to say. And hear things coming into camp. I knew you were coming a few minutes before anyone else saw the jeep,' Radar said. He lead Max to the tent in the middle of the compound, and Max saw a sign painted on the door, reading "The Swamp".  
  
'Come on in,' someone called from inside. Radar opened the door and he and Max went in.  
  
'This the guy who just came in?' one of the two men inside asked. He had light brown curly hair, and a martini glass in one hand. Although he was sitting down, from what Max could see, he was very tall. The other man was standing beside some weird science looking experiment, pouring himself a drink from a glass pitcher. He was tall as well, with bright blue eyes, and black hair.  
  
'Captains Pierce,' Radar pointed to the dark haired one, 'and McIntyre. They're doctors here.'  
  
'Pour you two a martini?' Pierce asked. 'And don't call me Captain, or Pierce, or sir, or Captain Pierce, or Captain Pierce sir, just call me Hawkeye.'  
  
'And I'm Trapper,' the man with the brown hair held out his hand to Max.  
  
'I'm Corporal Max Klinger,' he said, shaking Trapper's hand.  
  
'Well, we sure as hell ain't going to call you Corporal Max Klinger all the time,' Hawkeye said, sitting down on an old looking chair. 'Do you have a nickname?'  
  
'No,' Max replied. 'I'm beginning to think I'm the only one around without one.'  
  
'You're right there. See the guy coming towards the tent now? The ugly one without any lips? His nickname is Ferret Face,' Trapper said, pointing through the see through canvas. Max looked. The guy they were talking about was ugly, a little like a ferret. His hair appeared to be thinning a little, and he was done up in full military uniform.  
  
'Hey, Ferret face!' Hawkeye said as the man came through the door of the Swamp.  
  
'That's Major Burns to you, you simpleton!' the man snapped.  
  
'And hello to you to, Frank,' Trapper said. Major Burns glared at the two doctors, then noticed Max and Radar.  
  
'Who's he?' he asked.  
  
'Corporal Max Klinger, Mr Major Burns, sir!' Max said, scared at the evil looks the man was throwing in his direction.  
  
'Don't feed his ego, please Max. It doesn't deserve it,' Hawkeye said lazily while Trapper laughed at "Mr Major Burns, sir".  
  
'I do just as much as you do in the operating room!' Burns snapped.  
  
'You do more,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'Yeah, you take away their lives, instead of just saving them,' Trapper added. Burns glared at Max, as if he'd made the comments.  
  
'If you were a true American, you'd have been out here weeks ago!' he hissed before leaving.  
  
'What's his problem?' Max asked, feeling a little hurt.  
  
'He doesn't like late comers to the war. Don't worry about Ferret Face, Max, he's the most GI man in the camp, and everyone hates him for it,' Hawkeye told him.  
  
'I've decided I don't like ferrets,' Max said. Hawkeye and Trapper laughed.  
  
'You're alright. Want a martini?' Trapper asked.  
  
'Uh, no, I'm not really a big drinker,' Max replied.  
  
'Neither is Radar. He isn't a big anything. Hang on, he's just not big!' Hawkeye joked. Radar and Max left, as Hawkeye and Trapper laughed.  
  
'Are they always like that?' Max asked. 'Or are they better when they're sober?'  
  
'Drunk, sober, they're always like that,' Radar muttered. 'They're good doctors, but I wish they wouldn't make fun of my height!'  
  
'Come on, you're not that short,' Max said kindly. 'You're as tall as I am.' Radar glanced at Max and smiled.  
  
'Thanks, Max,' he said.  
  
'I really don't think I like that Frank Burns person, though,' Max said, seeing him a few meters away, knocking at a tent door.  
  
'No, no one does,' Radar said. 'Well, you've seen the Swamp, and met all the doctors. You can see where the showers are from here, and if you go over later, it'll tell you when showering times are, and you can meet all the nurse's later. Did you want to see the mess tent?'  
  
'Ok. What's the food like here? Henry didn't seem to think much of it,' Max said, following Radar towards the tent with "Officer's Mess" written above the door.  
  
'Well, the food here is about as popular as Major Burns. But I think it's ok. You're allowed to eat as much as you like,' Radar said, a happy smile on his face at the thought of All-You-Can-Eat.  
  
'Well, I thought there'd be more bombings, and more causalities for a MASH unit so close to the front,' Max said, a lot more calmer than he was when he first got to the 4077.  
  
'Oh, they'll come. You watch,' Radar warned as they entered the tent. Max followed Radar in grabbing an army tray and getting served army slop. He stared at it as he followed Radar to a table and sat down.  
  
'What is it?' he asked, poking something green on his plate with his fork.  
  
'That?' Radar asked, mouth full of food. 'No-one knows, just eat it and hope for the best.'  
  
'Who's the lady with the Major?' Max asked after looking around the tent. Radar looked.  
  
'Oh, that's Major Houlihan. She's like Major Burns, except meaner, stricter, and harder to fool,' Radar replied, getting back to his eating. Max shrugged and went back to poking stuff on his tray.  
  
'Hey, Radar? I think the grey stuff just moved,' he whispered after a while. Radar looked over.  
  
'Oh, yeah, looks like bugs have been swimming in the mashed potatoes again,' he said before turning to his mountain high tray. 'Remind me to talk to the cook about that.'  
  
'I don't think I'm hungry any more,' Max said, pushing the tray away.  
  
'I'll have it!' Radar said eagerly, pulling the tray in front of him, and spooning the grey mush into his mouth. Feeling sick, Max turned away to see a man sitting at the end of their table, with his head down, and hands in his lap. He was wearing black clothes and there was a small silver cross on a necklace around his neck. Suddenly, he made a cross and looked at the food. He looked around and say Max looking at him.  
  
'Not really the best food, is it?' he asked. Max shook his head. The man held his hand out. 'I'm Father Mulchay, the camp priest. You must be the new enlisted man we were expecting.' Max nodded.  
  
'Yep. Corporal Max Klinger. It's nice to meet you, Father,' he said courteously. Father Mulchay smiled at Max.  
  
'It's nice to meet you too, Corporal,' he said before beginning on his meal. Radar tapped Max on the shoulder.  
  
'Anything else you particularly wanted to see?' he asked. Max stared down at Radar's trays.  
  
'There is no way you could have finished off all of that,' he said in disbelief.  
  
'Come on, I'll show you the supply room and stuff,' Radar said, standing up. Max walked after Radar in a daze. He jumped at a loud explosion.  
  
'What the heck was that?' he demanded.  
  
'Huh? Oh, enemy bombing. Or it might be ours. We get both,' Radar said idly. He looked back to see Max looking up at the sky as if it was going to fall on top of him. 'Max, it's ok. We very rarely get hit,' he told him.  
  
'Yeah, thanks, Radar,' Max said, keeping an eye out for enemy planes. 


	2. Chapter Two

Author's Note: Well, this fic has actually been sitting on my computer's hard drive for ages, and I'm only just putting it up, that's why the chapters are coming in so close together. You'll also notice there are longer than they usually are, so I hope that pleases a few people who are always bugging me about writing longer chapters. :)  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
Well, he'd been at the 4077 for twenty six hours now, and he still hadn't been killed. Maybe it was safer up the front than he thought. Max was sitting outside, enjoying the sun. He had promised to join a poker game with Hawkeye and Trapper later, Radar had shown him around the whole camp, and he now felt like he was a part of it all. He saw Major Houlihan walking past, and Max decided he'd talk to her. Not because he liked her in that way, or anything, but because he had a friendly soul, and wanted to get to know everyone. He followed Major Houlihan to the supply tent, and tapped her on the shoulder as she got to the door.  
  
'We haven't meet yet,' Max began, 'but I'm Max, the new guy in camp.'  
  
'Ah yes, Corporal Klinger,' the nurse said nastily.  
  
'Max,' he replied. 'Please call me Max. What can I call you?'  
  
'You may call me Major Houlihan, as I am a Major and expect to be treated rightfully,' the nurse said, staring down her nose at him.  
  
'I just wanted to say hi, and all,' Max said, backing away. Major Houlihan made him feel very small and insignificant. She, after all, was a Major, and he was just a Corporal. She made it feel like he shouldn't even be looking at her.  
  
'Hey, Max,' Hawkeye came up to them. He stared the nurse down.  
  
'Captain,' Houlihan said stiffly. Hawkeye cringed.  
  
'Don't. Call. Me. Captain,' he said through gritted teeth.  
  
'I was just telling the Corporal here that he should reefer to me as Major, instead of any silly nickname you may come up with,' she said to him.  
  
'What, like Hotlips?' Hawkeye asked. Houlihan glared at Max, again as if he had made the pass, and walked stiffly into the supply room. Hawkeye pushed Max away, and started heading towards the Swamp. 'Don't try talking to her, Max. Hotlips isn't really the nicest person in camp,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'All I wanted to do is say hello, and she treats me like dirt,' Max said woefully.  
  
'Remember Frank, the Ferret Face? Well, Major Margaret Houlihan is a lot like him. Don't mess with them, otherwise they'll make your life hell,' Hawkeye advised.  
  
'Where'd the "Hotlips" nickname come from?' Max asked.  
  
'She and Frank have a thing going. Started the second she got here. Every night, they go to Margaret's tent, and. . . well, make out, I suppose,' Hawkeye explained.  
  
'Uh huh,' Max said.  
  
'Just keep away from them both. They're nuts,' Hawkeye shook his head, then looked down and smiled at Max.  
  
'Thanks, Hawkeye,' he said. 'Anyone else I should know about?'  
  
'Just any Generals that come into camp. They're a little stuck up, too,' Hawkeye said as he went into the Swamp.  
  
'Right, I'll remember that,' Max said, walking away. Hawkeye was a really nice guy, he decided. He must remember that next time he needed help in camp.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
Max looked around. He'd been stuck on guard duty for the first time, and he wasn't liking the idea, not one bit. A Sargent Mackenzie was showing him how to stop people and ask for the password, but Max was too scared to really take much notice. The gun in his hands was shaking, and Mackenzie didn't help much. He was a scary looking man, with dark brown hair, and dark eyes. And very, very, very, tall.  
  
'Come on, Max,' he said in a friendly tone. 'The gun ain't gonna hurt you, unless you put your face to the holes and pull the trigger.  
  
'I've never done this before,' Max admitted.  
  
'You'll be fine. You can't be any worse than the last kid we had here, trying to do guard duty,' Mackenzie told him.  
  
'What happened to the last kid?' Max asked, half fearfully.  
  
'Got picked off by a sniper,' Mackenzie replied, making Max even more nervous. The gun shook in his hands more, and it went off. Mackenzie fell to the ground with a thud, and started groaning. Then he lay still. Max dropped the gun and ran towards the Swamp. He banged hard on the door until Hawkeye got up and turned a light on.  
  
"What?' he asked in an annoyed tone.  
  
'I think I've killed him!' Max said through the door.  
  
'Who?' Hawkeye asked.  
  
'With any luck, Ferret Face,' Trapper moaned.  
  
'I heard that!' Frank snapped from his cot nearest to the door.  
  
'I'll come have a look,' Hawkeye yawned, pulling his dressing gown on. Max lead Hawkeye frantically to the spot where Mackenzie had fallen. Hawkeye looked him over, then looked up at Max. 'Well,' he said 'you didn't kill him, but I think you may have sent him home.'  
  
'So I'll be the first guy in the outfit to be sent home?' Mackenzie asked.  
  
'Looks like,' Hawkeye replied, helping the man up.  
  
'Max, you're on your own. You'll have to do guard duty until the morning. Someone will come and relieve you,' Mackenzie said before being helped away by Hawkeye.  
  
'Right, I can do this,' Max said to himself, picking the gun up. Suddenly, there was a whooshing sound, and a huge explosion nearby.  
  
'Just a little late night bombing, folks. You are advised to stay in your tents,' the speakers crackled over the sound of explosions. That's all Max needed. Dropping the gun again, he ran and hid in the showers for the rest of the night.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
'Radar, I want out,' Max said to Radar the next morning.  
  
'You can't get out,' Radar replied, rolling over in his bunk, arm clasped around the neck of a teddy bear.  
  
'Uh, discharges, what discharges are there? I'll get out on one of those,' Max said, rolling Radar back over to face him.  
  
'Well, the only two I can't think of right now where you don't have to half kill yourself,' Radar yawned.  
  
'Yes, that's good. I don't deal well with pain,' Max said quickly.  
  
'Well, you have two options. A section DA7, which is a hardship discharge, so if a member in your family dies or something, you can get sent home,' Radar said.  
  
'Do you know how long it would take for one of my family to die?' Max asked. 'I could be here for years!'  
  
'Fine, calm down. There's also a section eight.'  
  
'Section eight?'  
  
'Yeah, crazy papers. You prove you're crazy, you get sent home,' Radar yawned again and started to fall asleep again.  
  
'Ok, thanks, Radar. You get some sleep,' Max soothed, and he left the tent. 


	3. Chapter Three

'Ok, tell me again what you want?' Radar asked. It was later in the day, and Radar was now fully awake.  
  
'A uniform. A female officer's uniform. With a skirt, if you can get one,' Max said.  
  
'Are you nuts?' Radar demanded.  
  
'It's what I'm hoping everyone else will think,' Max replied.  
  
'Why, again, do you want this uniform?' Radar asked.  
  
'I want a section eight. I want to be sent home. I hate being this close to the war. I want to go back home, to Toledo,' Max explained.  
  
'I'll get you the dress,' Radar sighed.  
  
'Thank you!' Max said, hugging Radar quickly. 'I swear, if I get sent home, I will personally send you something worthwhile to eat, all for you!' Max said, dancing around the tent.  
  
'Your dress will probably be in by Wednesday next week,' Radar said. 'Now, if you want, I can. . .' He stopped.  
  
'What?' Max asked in a low voice.  
  
'INCOMING!' Radar yelled, jumping off his cot and running outside. 'INCOMING CHOPPERS!'  
  
'We have wounded coming in folks,' the speakers crackled into life. 'Be prepared for a long run.'  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
Max stepped among the bodies being lay onto the ground.  
  
'Max,' Hawkeye called out to him. 'Help me get this guy inside.' Max went over and helped put the man who's stomach had been blown to pieces onto a stretcher. He moved to the foot end of it, and was about to pick it up when he noticed the blood. His hands were now a shiny red, and his normally green uniform was stained with a dark mark, and it suddenly felt icy cold on his chest where the blood had leaked through. He looked up at Hawkeye, who was waiting, and noticed he was covered in the stuff too.  
  
'Come on, it's ok,' Hawkeye said. 'Help me get him inside.' Max swallowed hard, and trying to ignore the cries of pain around the compound, helped take the guy into the operating room.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
'You ok?' Hawkeye asked, sitting beside Max who was sitting in the dirt outside the post op tent. Max nodded his head. 'You're not ok, I can see that. It's ok. I felt the same way when I first got here.'  
  
'You did?' Max asked, looking over.  
  
'Yeah, I had to sew them back together. I'm a doctor, I'm sort of used to people's blood, but you're just an ordinary guy. It must be tough for you,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'I want to go back home,' Max said. 'I have a family over there, a huge one, in Toledo, and a girlfriend I was going to propose to, until the war dragged me half way across the world.'  
  
'You're lucky. All I have is my father, in Crab Apple Cove,' Hawkeye said. 'Not even a girlfriend. Some of the others are married. Henry, Trapper and Frank all have wives, and kids,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'I never knew Major Burns was married. I though he and Major Houlihan were a couple, you know, marry after the war and that sort of thing,' Max said.  
  
'Yeah, Margaret is a little touchy about that, so unless you want your head bitten off, don't mention Frank's wife,' Hawkeye grinned. He patted Max on the back before getting up. 'Don't worry, you will get used to it,' he said.  
  
'Really?' Max asked. Hawkeye stopped for a second.  
  
'No, not really. But it does get easier to bear after a while,' he replied before going in to check on his patients.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
'I can't believe you got this, Radar,' Max looked at the two piece skirt and top uniform, all folded up neatly.  
  
'I told them a nurse requested it,' Radar said.  
  
'Thank you, thank you, I'll never forget it,' Max said, rushing to his tent with it. 'I'll wear it tonight!'  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
The mess tent was noisy that night, ready for one of Henry's famous Sex-Ed talks. Hawkeye and Trapper were sitting to the side, making fun of Henry's last one.  
  
'He was so nervous, he dropped his pointing stick!' Trapper was yelling to the newer personnel.  
  
'He was so scared, he had to drink three bottles of scotch before he calmed down enough to do that!' Hawkeye laughed. The mess tent door banged open loudly, and everyone suddenly went quiet as they turned to see who it was. Max walked in, as if nothing was happening, as about fifty pairs of eyes watched him cross the room.  
  
'Uh, Max,' Henry was up the front and watching him too. 'Come outside for a minute, I'd like to talk to you.' Max happily obliged and followed the Colonel outside. As soon at the door to the mess tent banged shut, there was murmuring about what the new Corporal was wearing.  
  
'Yes, Henry?' Max asked.  
  
'What the hell are you doing?' Henry hissed. Hawkeye and Trapper had their faces pressed up to the canvass wall of the mess tent so they could hear every word.  
  
'What do you mean?' Max asked innocently.  
  
'The uniform. The woman's uniform. You know that isn't really appropriate. And it doesn't really go with your army boots,' Henry said.  
  
'That's why I ordered high heels as well,' Max said, holding a foot up so the Colonel could see. There was sniggering from Hawkeye and Trapper. Henry looked over angrily, then turned back to Max.  
  
'Look, all I want to know is why you are wearing those clothes?' he asked. 'Are you a homosexual? Are you crazy? Or are you just a cross dresser?'  
  
'The second one. I'm crazy,' Max said quickly.  
  
'I think I know what this is all about,' Hawkeye said, standing up and going outside. Trapper followed him. 'Max, you're not crazy about being here, are you?'  
  
'No,' Max said plainly.  
  
'Oh, you're faking it. Very nice. No, you can't have section eight papers to go home,' Henry said. Max's face fell.  
  
'Please, Henry, I can't survive here, up the front. I'll get killed!' he pleaded. Suddenly, Frank and Margaret came around the corner or a nearby tent.  
  
'What the. . .?' Frank yelled.  
  
'Corporal Klinger, what are you wearing?' Margaret screeched. Max sighed. He'd had enough of the two Majors.  
  
'I am wearing uniform. Two people GI as yourselves should recognise this,' he said.  
  
'But that's a woman's uniform,' Frank said.  
  
'It's still uniform,' Max said pointedly.  
  
'He has a point, Henry,' Hawkeye hissed to the Colonel.  
  
'Relax, you two. He wants a discharge,' Henry explained.  
  
'Well, you can't have one!' Frank said.  
  
'Last time I looked, Frank, I was CO of this outfit,' Henry said in an annoyed voice.  
  
'But he's faking! You can't give him one unless he's really crazy!' Margaret said. Henry sighed.  
  
'I'm sorry, Max, she has a point. Unless you're really crazy, I can't give you that discharge,' he told Max.  
  
'Don't call me Max any more if you're not going to send me home,' Max said, hurt.  
  
'Yeah, call him "Maxine",' Trapper laughed.  
  
'No! I just want to be called Klinger,' Max said, glaring at Trapper making fun of him. 'I've decided only those who are true friends to me can call me Max.'  
  
'It goes better with "crazy" than Max does anyway. Crazy Klinger, or Crazy Max. Crazy Klinger sounds better,' Hawkeye said. Max felt hurt. Hawkeye was making fun of him too. He went to storm off, but slipped in the mud in his heels.  
  
'Stupid heels,' he said, tears going down his face, as he took them off and ran to his tent, mud covering his skirt.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
'Corporal, as your superior officer, I order you to change into proper uniform,' Frank said.  
  
'No,' Max said, sounding like a spoilt child, and stumbling on his heels again in the post op tent.  
  
'Corporal Klinger, now!' Frank yelled. Max saw red. He didn't want to take the woman's uniform off, not until he got his section eight. This man didn't seem to realise that.  
  
'Not until you sign my section eight papers,' Max said. Frank shook his head, arms folded over his chest. Max swung his arm back and hit Frank in the eye, and sent him flying into the doors.  
  
'You are in so much trouble, Corporal,' Frank said as he got up, holding his eye.  
  
'Stick it up your. . .' Max was interrupted by Hawkeye's laughter.  
  
'Good hit, Max. We've all wanted to do that for a long time,' he said, wiping a tear away.  
  
'I told you, only some people may call me Max,' Max told him.  
  
'Come on, I'm your friend. Just don't ask me to kiss on the first date,' Hawkeye grinned.  
  
'Uh huh, right, friend,' Max muttered as he stumbled out in his heels again.  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
One more chapter to go on this, so keep an eye on this space! 


	4. Chapter Four

It had been three weeks since Max had begun to wear the dresses. He was a little more used to the heels now, but wasn't any closer to getting his discharge. He was used to guard duty too, now. He never loaded the gun, he still looked just as intimidating without bullets. Right now, he was prowling around the tents in the compound. Everyone had given up on calling him Max any more, he refused to answer to it, so everyone, including Radar who'd ordered another uniform and new heels for him, called Max, Klinger. Suddenly, there was a sound in front of the tent Max was at the back of. He ran around to the side and burst onto the road.  
  
'Halt, friend or foe?' he asked, balancing on his shoes carefully. The short man turned around.  
  
'I am General Barker!' the man barked.  
  
'How do I know you're not one of them with a clever make up job?' Max asked.  
  
'Corporal Klinger, right?' the man who claimed to be a General asked.  
  
'Right,' Max said. This was good. If this guy though he was crazy, and knew his name, Max could get sent home.  
  
'Still trying to get a psycho, eh Klinger?' the man asked. 'Well, it's going to take a lot more than this!' Max frowned. Henry must have passed along the word that he was faking crazy.  
  
'Well, I'll just have to keep on trying, Mary!' Max said, before skipping awkwardly off. He was about twenty meters away when he stopped. He'd just skipped in high heels. He grinned to himself. It may not seem like much, but that was a victory to him. Max was now "Crazy Klinger".  
  
**~~*~~*~~*~~**  
  
This is actually a scene from "Chief Surgeon Who?" from season one, written to wrap up this fic.  
  
Oh, and a note to TakenHawkeye, yes, this is the fic I mentioned! 


End file.
